I’m convinced that Facebook is intended to show me all the things my childless friends can do that I can’t. I had my kids late in life and my peers who had theirs at an age appropriate time are now on their own, traveling the globe, and enjoying an unencumbered lifestyle.
My best friend Lisa, like some other friends of mine, had no desire to have children to begin with. She’s prepping for a tour of Europe right now, something I can only dream of. I can’t say I really fault my friends who never wanted kids. There’s something very rational about choosing to avoid these unbelievably needy and expensive little creatures who steal your freedom and limit your lifestyle options. And the bonus is that they come with a paralyzing dread that if something ever happened to them, you wouldn’t be able to put one foot in front of the other any more.
It’s not as bad as it used to be though. When I was married and the kids were young, I remember looking out the window at the happy diners at the trendy restaurant across the street from me and felt like they might as well be thousands of miles away. There was no time or money for adult outings. I was a mom now and that freedom was gone.
But of course that wasn’t true. We make our own prisons and I certainly made mine in my marriage and as a younger mom. I would love to tap that younger mom on the should and let her know she does have options and its her own fault if she doesn’t pursue them. And that realization motivates me today.
I may not be touring Europe soon, but am enjoying a somewhat cosmopolitan lifestyle in the city I love. I didn’t plan on doing it alone, but the fact is that my ex husband was an anchor that weighed me down. When we first separated, he was enraged by the fact that I immediately began going out with friends and having fun again. He once scolded, “You’re putting yourself first now and your children second.” Without missing a beat I replied, “That’s right, and you better get used to it!” (More on him later.) I am master and commander of my life, and the life of my children. And in that role there is plenty of room for fun, laughter and lots of love. Both with and without the kids. Globe trotting will just have to wait.